Joke of the Day

GMSLITHO

chef boyardee time 

rasbury

I liked his acceptance speech.....Florida: where wok comes to die.....

oscar1

rasbury said:

I liked his acceptance speech.....Florida: where wok comes to die.....

Amen

randy56

Black_Diamond

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks the bartender: is this stool taken?

randy56

randy56

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance and then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it.."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?"

The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?"

Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"

The cowboy smiles, taps his watch, and says, "Dam thing's an hour fast."

MarkB

That's a good one.

mattie

mattie

randy56

Willhound

rasbury

Looks like it would work to me- is there a point where it's just kind of ridiculous? This boat might be a photo shop but geeze....

Black_Diamond

Drug money boat.  🤣

Willhound

Photoshop or not, I'd love to have a ride! The fishing charter me and @randy56 and our wives went on last winter had quad 350's and is likely the fastest I ever travelled over water. We hit some calmer water and the Captain pinned it. I'd say 70 - 75 at least. I cracked a beer and the whole thing immediately got sucked out of the can by the wind. 😎
If you're ever in the Venice Fla area check out Bad Habits Sport Fishing, highly recommend.

randy56

We were living large that day, must say it was the first time in @Willhound life, he ever smiled from loosing even a sip of beer. While the stereo must have cost as much as a good used pickup. Crankin Ozie, at 98 disables. As we skimmed across the gulf.

The boat pictured has some expense to go with it. 
400 mercury avg. $34,465. each x 6 = $206,790 
38 gph at wot x 6 = 228 gph How big is the gas tank? Fill her up? 
The boat name should be , Look at Me! if you can find a place to put it.

rasbury

I'd just wonder if they can engineer that transom for everything that can happen with the rest of it flying through the water.

Lake_Bum

randy56

Lake_Bum

Lake_Bum

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

Democrat's answer:

What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? Should raise taxes and have paint & weed day? Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior?

Republican's answer:

BANG!

Southerner's answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.

Daughter, “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?”

Son, “Can I shoot the next one?”

Wife, “You are not taking that to the taxidermist!” 

oscar1

I love it

mattie

GMSLITHO

something about the sherrif 

oscar1

Black_Diamond

Southerner walks into a Walmart store on a Tuesday evening….

randy56

Ok I will, AND?

Willhound

randy56 said:

Ok I will, AND?

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/multiple-fatalities-shooting-virginia-walmart-police-say-rcna58488

I believe a report said it's the 40th mass public shooting in the US year to date.

Lake_Bum

Willhound, why would you post that here?  Jeeze 

mattie