Joke of the Day

Willhound

Let's see who gets this one.

Pat310

Ramones!! As a born and raised Queens NY kid from the 70s where they came from I want to be sedated for 2021 if its anything like 2020 

Willhound

rasbury

To much...

randy56

It's a new year, quick reminder, with some interpretations and wise guidance. These are the words women most often use that are not exactly what is meant. Good Luck

(1)"Fine": This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2)"Five Minutes": If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3)"Nothing": This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4)"Go Ahead": This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5)"Loud Sigh": This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of Nothing.)

(6)"That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7)"Thanks": A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8)"Whatever": Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9)"Don't worry about it, I got it": Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

randy56

mattie

mattie

Black_Diamond

LaRea

randy56

As many of you know, I fly a lot. A lot.

Anyway the person sitting next to me on a flight was an attractive woman.

Ever the charmer, I used one of my “best” lines on her.

I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to a good-looking man?”

“Yes,” she replied, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”

Handymans342

LOL!!!

DanD2

I guess she had your number.....lol

Ian

And your reply was “Yeah, I need to ask for a refund too...”?

Willhound

A Racy Fishing Story!
Randy and Handy's recent fishing trip reminded me of this story.

An older widower moved to a senior's community in Florida after his wife passed. They had been life long fishing partner's and he missed both fishing and her company in the boat. So he posted an ad in the community paper and was delighted when a fit looking lady around his age answered the ad and they agreed to go fishing the next day.
They didn't talk much, but it was a beautiful day even if the fishing was slow. After being anchored for a time at a fork in the river with no success he pointed at the fork in the river and said to her "Up or Down?
She just gave him a weird look. So he repeated it, "Up or Down?"
She sighed, put her fishing rod down and pulled of her pants and leaned back in the seat and beckoned him over.
Wow! he thought, a fishing partner with benefits!. So he dutifully obliged. Afterwards feeling really good he resumed fishing. At another fork in the river he again pointed and asked "Up or Down?", and again the same result.
After that he was rather spent, so they headed back to the ramp. After a bit of persuasion she agreed to go fishing with him again the next day. Being a little worried about how it might go he made sure to drop by a pharmacy for a little blue pill which he took before picking his new fishing partner up.
Once on the water he wasted no time in racing to the first fork and again, "Up or Down?"
"Up" she says and continues to fish. So upriver he goes. At the next bend, and getting uncomfortable because of the blue pill he again asks "Up or Down?"
"Down" she says. And so on, all day long.
The fellow finally gives up and takes her back to the ramp. As he is painfully crouched over trying to load the boat he looks at her and says "What's wrong? All day yesterday when I asked you "Up or Down?" you were ready for sex, but today, nothing?

Oh, she says. Yesterday I forgot my hearing aids and I thought you were pointing at the water and saying "F#%k or Drown"!

Handymans342

randy56

Willhound

Ba doom bah!

Willhound

mattie

randy56

Handymans342

LOL

Willhound

No support provided within 12 inches of the box....otherwise, what's wrong?..

DanD2

randy56 said:

It works.....lol

LaRea

I've seen worse!  Here's a picture I took in 2011 at Torkham Gate, which is a major border crossing between Afghanistan and Pakistan.  They installed circuit breakers, so it MUST be safe ... right?

Handymans342

LaRea said:

I've seen worse!  Here's a picture I took in 2011 at Torkham Gate, which is a major border crossing between Afghanistan and Pakistan.  They installed circuit breakers, so it MUST be safe ... right?

Better hope it does not rain

MarkB

randy56 said:

Although I'd never do this, different codes apply if the connection is considered temporary, which is based on whether it can be easily unplugged ... so it depends on what the rest of it looks like to the device (and whether it meets the requirements of a permanent connection).  It does look like they did go full bar on the rest of it though, given they installed the conduit. LOL, I do have to laugh though.

Willhound

randy56

LaRea said:

I've seen worse!  Here's a picture I took in 2011 at Torkham Gate, which is a major border crossing between Afghanistan and Pakistan.  They installed circuit breakers, so it MUST be safe ... right?

i'm impressed with all the wire staple's, and how did they drive those nail's in concrete?

LaRea

On the "inventive genius" scale, soldiers rank right up there with rednecks!

Another funny pic from my time in the sandbox.  A building at Torkham Firebase had a huge crack in the wall, so they fixed it.  Sorta.