Joke of the Day

LaRea

This isn't a joke because it actually happened just now.

My wife's answer to me:  "Still, a$$hole!"

My question to her:  "Sparkling water, or still?"

MarkB

LaRea said:

This isn't a joke because it actually happened just now.

My wife's answer to me:  "Still, a$$hole!"

My question to her:  "Sparkling water, or still?"

OK but rewind back a few minutes ... what happened to put her in that mood? LOL

Ian

I think we can all guess without even asking.

mattie

randy56

aero3113

It’s happened to all of us!! (If you’re a waiver) LoL 😂 

https://www.instagram.com/p/CR6R9JFBbfe/?utm_medium=copy_link

Handymans342

Willhound

rasbury

I don't like your post...I can't not disagree with it but don't like it!

randy56

YYZRC

What is that?

Dream_Inn

randy56 said:

Yep, they were to adapt the 45s to play on the record player.  Dang, I am old!

Willhound

Still own a bunch!

RiverRat232

If you know what that is, you probably know what this is.

aero3113

@RiverRat232 , I’m somewhat young but into vintage cars. It’s a foot activated headlight switch, correct?

DanD2

aero3113 said:

@RiverRat232 , I’m somewhat young but into vintage cars. It’s a foot activated headlight switch, correct?

High / low beam switch......they should have never gone away from that. Too much crap on the steering column now!!

RiverRat232

aero3113 said:

@RiverRat232 , I’m somewhat young but into vintage cars. It’s a foot activated headlight switch, correct?

You got it. High beams on/off switch.

RiverRat232

randy56 said:

 Have you ever heard an old song and you remember where in middle of the song the 8 track player cut off and clicked to the next track?

mattie

RiverRat232 said:

randy56 said:

 Have you ever heard an old song and you remember where in middle of the song the 8 track player cut off and clicked to the next track?

My Dad had a new SRV SeaRay in 1978. Big brother added an 8-track in early 80s.
Played Nazareth, Supertramp over & over 'click' & over.

rasbury

RiverRat232 said:

aero3113 said:

@RiverRat232 , I’m somewhat young but into vintage cars. It’s a foot activated headlight switch, correct?

You got it. High beams on/off switch.

I remember when those first came out. They were outlawed in Florida..to many people getting their foot caught up in the steering wheel causing accidents..

randy56

If you're not happy single then you won't be happy married.....
Happiness comes from Boats, not relationships....

GMSLITHO

  

MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE

This needs no explanation – and is a fun read, no matter your gender.

Men Are Just Happier People!   What do you expect from such simple creatures?  Your last name stays put  The garage is all yours.  Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.  You can never be pregnant.  You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.  You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.  The world is your urinal.  You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.  You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.  Wrinkles add character.  Wedding dress – $5,000.  Tux rental - $100.  People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes normally don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.  One mood all the time.  Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.  You know stuff about tanks.  A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.  You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.  If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.  Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.  Two pairs of shoes are more than enough.  You almost never have strap problems in public.  You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.  The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.  You only have to shave your face and neck.   You can play with toys all your life.  One wallet and one pair of shoes – one color for all seasons.  You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.  You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache...  You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.  No wonder men are happier!

NICKNAME  If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.  If Mike, Dave, and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wildman.

EATING OUT  When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.  When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.

MONEY  A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs  A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS  A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.  The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS  A woman has the last word in any argument.  Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE  A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.  A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE  A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.  A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP   A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.  A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL  Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.  Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING  Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams.  A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY   A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!  So, send this to the women who have a sense of humor .... and to the men who will enjoy reading 

raybo3

I saw a homeless man & I asked him if I gave him $20 would you buy booze? 

He said no he hadn't had a beer in years. Then I said if I give you $20 will you buy fishing gear? He again said no, he stopped fishing 5 years ago. 

So then I said I'll do you better than $20. I'll take you home get you all cleaned up. My wife will cook a fantastic meal for you. Then I'll bring you back & still give you $20. 

He asked me won't she get mad? I said it didn't matter. 

I just wanted her to see what happens to a man when he stops drinking & fishing!

Handymans342

Hahahahahahahhaha

LaRea

rasbury said:

I remember when those first came out. They were outlawed in Florida..to many people getting their foot caught up in the steering wheel causing accidents..

@rasbury that was a good one!

LaRea

tide

/tīd/
adjective
How you feels after you waxes the hull.

"I ain't waxin' no outdrive.  I'm tide."

synonym:  wicked tie-idd  (Boston English)

Handymans342

LaRea said:

tide

/tīd/
adjective
How you feels after you waxes the hull.

"I ain't waxin' no outdrive.  I'm tide."

synonym:  wicked tie-idd  (Boston English)

I didnt know you spoke ebonics!

randy56

Ian

Teacher tells the young class it’s time for a word game.
”Who can give me a word with OR at the end that eats something?”
Jane says “Alligator” and the teacher says “Well done, alligator ends in OR and it does eat things”
Emma says “Predator” and again earns praise from the teacher that a predator does eat things and the word ends in OR.
Billy jumps up and says “Vibrator”. The teacher stumbles and says, “well, the word does end in OR but I’m not sure that it eats anything Billy”.
Billy responds, “But it does, according to my mom it eats batteries like nothing else”…

randy56