Joke of the Day

mattie

Pretty ingenious.

Prob could have been avoided with preventative maintenance - which few peeps do.

Willhound

I always say, "I pretend to work....and they pretend to pay me" 😆

Willhound

Willhound

Willhound

Handymans342

Facebook

randy56

Willhound

Ugh.....I guess I failed this morning...🙄😆

YYZRC

Underwear?

Willhound

Lake_Bum

A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years they have become loose and floppy. 

 

Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed. 

 

Awakening from the anesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon. 

 

"I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation"! 

 

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself." 

 

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago." 

 

"And what about the third rose?" she asked. 

 

"That's from a man in the burn unit - he wanted to thank you for his new ears."

GMSLITHO

randy56

Ian

Now that makes more sense than the actual event itself…

randy56

**** autocorrect!



My Wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked “Does this make my butt look big?”

I texted back “Noo!”

My phone autocorrected my response to “Moo!”

Please send help!

mattie

Willhound

randy56

Curling

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=429448494862959

mattie

raybo3

That's kinda gross............. Just say'n

randy56

Took me a minute, your bad 

randy56

A good friend of mine has two tickets to the Super Bowl, 50 yard line box seats. He paid $4000 each but didn’t realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. Probably because of the extra game this year.

If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place…

It’s at St. Michael’s Church, at 3pm. The bride’s name is Nicole, she’s 5’4”, about 115 lbs., and a good cook as well.
She’ll be the one in the white dress.

I once went to a World Series game. My seat was in the nosebleed section. I noticed an empty seat down along the infield. After the three innings had passed and nobody had taken the seat, I went down and asked the gentleman sitting next to it if it were available.

"It's my wife's seat" he said, "we've been season ticket holders for forty years, but she passed away. Would you like to sit here with me?"

I graciously accepted and asked, "Didn't you have any friends or family who would come with you?"

"No, they are all at the funeral."

rasbury

good ones...I think I may have seen something similar...guy golfing when a funeral procession goes by and he takes his hat off and gets emotional and when asked why he says she was a good wife or something along those lines...good ones! 

Willhound

An old golfer slices his ball into the rough. When he bends over to pick it up he hears "Ribitt, pick me up!"
He looks over and there's a little green frog. "Ribitt, pick me up!"
So he picks up the frog and it says "I was put under a spell by an evil witch, kiss me and I'll turn into a beautiful Princess and I'll fulfill your every sexual desire!"
The duffer puts the frog in his shirt pocket and keeps golfing...
The frog says again, "Didn't you hear me? Kiss me and I'll become a beautiful Princess and do whatever you want!"
The old guy says "I'm 80 years old and lonely, I'd rather have a talking frog!"

mattie

Happy Valentines!

Lake_Bum

GMSLITHO

randy56

randy56

mattie