Joke of the Day

raybo3

Here you go Handy dont blame me because your teams suck. Jealousy gets you nowhere!!!!!!

Michael T

@raybo .....you just scared Rinker ....jealousy drives the "toy" industry.....bigger boat, faster car, sleeker sled.........."just say'n"

Handymans342

I dont want a used Brady teeth guard. Hahahahahhahhahahahah

raybo3

Handymans342 said:

I dont want a used Brady teeth guard. Hahahahahhahhahahahah

No you want his jock strap.......

raybo3

Michael T said:

@raybo .....you just scared Rinker ....jealousy drives the "toy" industry.....bigger boat, faster car, sleeker sled.........."just say'n"

MT I have my Rinker because I love it not because I am jealous of anybody. I do not want a bigger boat, or a faster boat. I have what I want. I do not envy anyone. Handy on the other hand............ well lets just say.......... OK I will leave it alone.....lol......... Handy is a good guy. We bust each other nuts but he is a good guy. We are just having some fun...... Just say'n

Michael T

tongue in cheek, tongue in cheek..... @raybo3 .....just say'n.

Handymans342

Ray has Tom Bradys manhood in his mouth. That's why he talks funny. Just sayin

Willhound

Ouch! At least it'll be deflated.....

raybo3

Michael T said:

tongue in cheek, tongue in cheek..... @raybo3 .....just say'n.

I know it was tongue in cheek....... But Handy is just a jealous old dude. 

raybo3

Handymans342 said:

Ray has Tom Bradys manhood in his mouth. That's why he talks funny. Just sayin

Handy your a gross old man..

reneechris14

It's not easy living in New England we are always on top and everyone wants to take us down.(not happening.) 

raybo3

@reneechris14 they hate us because they aint us.........lol

GMSLITHO

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a Nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. 

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" 

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. 

"How do you know this, Sister?" 

"My Mother Superior told me so." 

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" 

"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself" 

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" 

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!" 

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know." 

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar. 

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" 

"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?" 

LaRea

A quote from my friend Bill.  Rated R.  Language.  Adult situations.

Bill used to say:
You can spend your whole life being a carpenter ... nobody's gonna see you at the bar and yell "Heyyyyyyy, it's the carpenter!"  But you f*ck just ONE chicken, and now you're the chicken-f*cker.  

raybo3

OK Rated R
Old man walks into a bar. Behind the bar is a beautiful female bartender with big boobs and cleavage and real sexy. Behind the bar was a sign: Hot Dogs $5 Hamburgers $5 French Fries $5 Hand Job $250. So the old man goes to the beautiful lady and say's "You are a very beautiful young lady. Are you the one that gives the hand jobs" The bartender says "thank you yes I give the hand jobs" Man replies "Fine go wash your hands real good I want a Hot Dog" 

Dream_Inn

Raybo, that was a repeat.

Glassguy54

At a wedding reception the DJ makes an announcement over the PA system saying,

 " At this time, I would like to have all the married men out there stand next to that special some one who has made your life worth living."

 The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

raybo3

Dream_Inn said:

Raybo, that was a repeat.

DI you mean I typed that whole thing for nothing? WTF

Handymans342

Dream_Inn said:

Raybo, that was a repeat.

He is dumb. LOL

raybo3

Someone at work told me it today and I knew I "heard" it before and thought it was funny.

Willhound

It was @Lake_Bum on Jan. 15th....just before you and Handy got sideways on your football mud slinging.....

randy56

Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other...

Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.' Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots, Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled ! guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips. But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just....

Ready

Wait for it   

a common tater

Willhound

Not bad @randy56!
Reminds me of a story for all you nature lovers and woodworkers out there.

Once upon a time in the forest there was a Birch tree and a Beech tree growing next to each other. After a suitable period of maturity they cross pollinated and a little sapling sprouted up between them. As it grew, they couldn't tell if it took after the Birch side of the family, or the Beech side. It was a constant source of tension between them.
One day when the sapling had sprouted into a fine looking young tree with supple branches and shimmery leaves, a woodpecker happened by. The Birch and Beech trees implored "Woodpecker, Woodpecker help us if you could? Will you fly down and take a look at the young tree below us and tell us if you would, Is it a Birch? Or is it a Beech?"
The woodpecker spied the fine looking young tree and immediately flew down and started pecking furiously.

After a time, the Birch and Beech demanded " Well??"

Says the woodpecker after a great deal of thought....
"I can't say if it's a Birch, I can't say if it's a Beech....

But! It's the best piece of ASH I've ever had my p3cker in!

Handymans342

raybo3 said:

Someone at work told me it today and I knew I "heard" it before and thought it was funny.

Brady brain. Hahhahaha

randy56

Read this diff of soup bowl today:

It’s this event where one group of rich guys beat the crap out of another group of rich guys the outcome of which makes another group of guys rich and generally means nothing.

Michael T

......and then they all retired to basement to sleep the night!

Ian

GYNECOLOGIST WHO BECAME A MECHANIC

If you don't laugh out loud on this one, your "laughter" is broken!

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO
paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where
skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes,
attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the
practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks,
and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back,
he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't
want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if
there is an error in the grade?" "The instructor said, "During the exam,
you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total
mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth
50%of the mark."

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler,which I've never seen done in my entire career". 

Ian

raybo3

randy56