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Comments
The guy says, "No...never seen any proof of it."
His boss says, "Well you should... When you took Saturday off to attend your uncle's funeral he came in here looking for you."
2. I wonder how many calories are burnt jumping to conclusions?
3.Toddler with diarrhea to Mom: I need some Viagra.
Mom: Why in the world do you need Viagra?
Toddler with diarrhea: That's what Dad always says he needs when his sh!t won't get hard.
Boat Name: King Kong
"Boat + Water = Fun"
2018 Cherokee 39RL Land Yacht (Sorry...)
‘What are you doing here?’ the old man asked.
‘We are here as a part of a research expedition that will very soon travel to explore the Moon!’
‘The Moon?! Hmm... could you then do me a favor?’
‘What do you want?’
‘Well, the people of my tribe believe that holy spirits live on the Moon. I was wondering if you could pass an important message to them from my people.’
‘What’s the message?’
The man uttered something in his tribal language, and then asked the astronauts to repeat it again and again until they had memorized it correctly.
‘What does it mean?’ asked the astronauts.
‘Oh, I cannot tell you. It’s a secret that only our tribe and the moon spirits are allowed to know.’
The astronauts were intrigued with the secret message, so when they returned to their base they searched and searched until they finally found one Native American who could speak old man's tribal language and translate the message.
When they repeated the message they had memorized, the translator started to laugh his **** off.
‘Why are you laughing man, what does the message say?’
'It says - Don’t believe a single word these people are telling you. They have come to steal your lands.’
Regards,
Ian
The Third “B”
Secretary, Ravena Coeymans Yacht Club
https://www.rcyachtclub.com/
Many of us over 50 – WAY over 50 – are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. And for those of you receiving this who are nowhere near 50 yet, keep reading anyway – you'll get there.
Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and Should be avoided: .....
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedos and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. In-line skates and a walker
And the ultimate 'Bad Taste' in fashion:
13. A thong and Depends
(Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.)
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we might as well dance.
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Not to brag, but I just went in to another room and remembered why I was there!
It was the bathroom, but still…............
the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was
going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too.. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."
https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ric/5547543805.html
The final question was: “How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.”
Here is his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And, when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
He won a trip around the world and a case of 25-year old Scotch!
An American walks into an Irish pubs and announces to all the patrons that he will pay $500 to anyone who can drink 10 pints of Guinness in 10 minutes. Everyone raise their head but ignores the absurd bet and then goes back to their merry making except for one Irishman who leaves the pub. Some time passes and the Irishman returns to the pub and asked if the bet is still on the table? Sure it is says the American! Bartender line up the 10 Guinness!
The Irishman drinks all 10 in 10 minutes. Astonished the American hands over the $500 and ask "May I ask where you went earlier?"
The Irishman replies with a smirk, "I went to the pub next door to see if I could do it."
The last one is dedicated to the dude himself as it reminded me of his stories.