Joke of the Day

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  • rasburyrasbury Member Posts: 8,406 ✭✭✭✭✭
    That's pretty funny Handy....
  • diggin2day1diggin2day1 Member Posts: 1,328 ✭✭✭✭
    CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?! WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY MAN. HE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HIS UNMENTIONABLES. HE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT CAUSE ITS SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.
  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Hilarious 
    Boat Name : 

  • reneechris14reneechris14 Member Posts: 3,134 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Thats a sticky situation. Lol
    2005 Rinker FV342  Pawcatuck river,Ct
  • reneechris14reneechris14 Member Posts: 3,134 ✭✭✭✭✭
    You need a bigger barge for his. Whats the sign in the window. 
    2005 Rinker FV342  Pawcatuck river,Ct
  • Handymans342Handymans342 Member Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭✭
    God you guys are RV dumb
  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
    So the boss asks this guy, "Do you believe in life after death?"

    The guy says, "No...never seen any proof of it."

    His boss says, "Well you should... When you took Saturday off to attend your uncle's funeral he came in here looking for you."
    Boat Name : 

  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited July 2019
    1. My day started off well when I found a hat full of money but was short lived when a man with a guitar started chasing me.



    2.  
    I wonder how many calories are burnt jumping to conclusions?


    3.
    Toddler with diarrhea to Mom: I need some Viagra.
    Mom: Why in the world do you need Viagra?
    Toddler with diarrhea: That's what Dad always says he needs when his sh!t won't get hard.
    Post edited by raybo3 on
    Boat Name : 

  • MarkBMarkB Member Posts: 3,976 ✭✭✭✭✭
    LOL

    Boat Name: King Kong

    "Boat + Water = Fun"

  • WillhoundWillhound Member Posts: 4,208 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I always take a half a Viagara before going out drinking in the bar. Saves me from pi$$ing all over my shoes!  :D
    "Knot Quite Shore" - 2000 FV270 (Sold)
    2018 Cherokee 39RL Land Yacht (Sorry...)
  • GMSLITHOGMSLITHO Member Posts: 1,580 ✭✭✭✭
    In 1969, in the months leading up to the Moon landing, the Apollo 11 astronauts trained in a remote moon-like desert in the western United States. One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American.

    ‘What are you doing here?’ the old man asked.

    ‘We are here as a part of a research expedition that will very soon travel to explore the Moon!’

    ‘The Moon?! Hmm... could you then do me a favor?’

    ‘What do you want?’

    ‘Well, the people of my tribe believe that holy spirits live on the Moon. I was wondering if you could pass an important message to them from my people.’

    ‘What’s the message?’

    The man uttered something in his tribal language, and then asked the astronauts to repeat it again and again until they had memorized it correctly.

    ‘What does it mean?’ asked the astronauts.

    ‘Oh, I cannot tell you. It’s a secret that only our tribe and the moon spirits are allowed to know.’

    The astronauts were intrigued with the secret message, so when they returned to their base they searched and searched until they finally found one Native American who could speak old man's tribal language and translate the message.

    When they repeated the message they had memorized, the translator started to laugh his **** off.

    ‘Why are you laughing man, what does the message say?’

    'It says - Don’t believe a single word these people are telling you. They have come to steal your lands.’
     
  • IanIan Member Posts: 2,860 ✭✭✭✭
    Too funny.

    Regards,

    Ian

    The Third “B”

    Secretary, Ravena Coeymans Yacht Club

    https://www.rcyachtclub.com/

  • rasburyrasbury Member Posts: 8,406 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Subject: Senior Dress Code

    Many of us over 50 – WAY over 50 – are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. And for those of you receiving this who are nowhere near 50 yet, keep reading anyway – you'll get there.

    Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and Should be avoided: .....

    1. A nose ring and bifocals
    2. Spiked hair and bald spots
    3. A pierced tongue and dentures
    4. Miniskirts and support hose
    5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
    6. Speedos and cellulite
    7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
    8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
    9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
    10. Bikinis and liver spots
    11. Short shorts and varicose veins
    12. In-line skates and a walker

    And the ultimate 'Bad Taste' in fashion:

    13. A thong and Depends

    (Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.) 

    Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we might as well dance.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


    Not to brag, but I just went in to another room and remembered why I was there!

    It was the bathroom, but still…............
    Boat Name : 

  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to

    the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was

    going." 

    The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too.. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." 

    The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?" 

    The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts What does your wife look like?' 

    To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours." 
    Boat Name : 

  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • rasburyrasbury Member Posts: 8,406 ✭✭✭✭✭
    That's to funny....we went to Sebastian Inlet in South Florida and on the intercostal, there are series of spoil islands from the dregging/creating of the "ditch" going down Fl east coast and around the country I suppose...anyway, we were trying to get to an island to anchor and hang out...we came around the back side fo an island and there was a pirate ship, there was a "camp" set up.....several cannon lined the shore....it was quite the shock! I assume someone had bought an old tourist boat...there are a couple of them around the state that run site seeing cruises on ships like this....
  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Grammar Lesson: Is it "complete", "finished" or "Completely Finished”?
    No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words - "Complete" and "Finished”. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

    The final question was: “How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.”

    Here is his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And, when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

    He won a trip around the world and a case of 25-year old Scotch!
    Boat Name : 

  • Glassguy54Glassguy54 Member Posts: 588 ✭✭✭
    Def: Indecent...When its in hard enough, deep enough and long enough, its in decent!
  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Some of us could do this a few years ago.

    An American walks into an Irish pubs and announces to all the patrons that he will pay $500 to anyone who can drink 10 pints of Guinness in 10 minutes. Everyone raise their head but ignores the absurd bet and then goes back to their merry making except for one Irishman who leaves the pub. Some time passes and the Irishman returns to the pub and asked if the bet is still on the table? Sure it is says the American! Bartender line up the 10 Guinness! 
    The Irishman drinks all 10 in 10 minutes. Astonished the American hands over the $500 and ask "May I ask where you went earlier?"
    The Irishman replies with a smirk, "I went to the pub next door to see if I could do it."
    Boat Name : 

  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
    In celebration of 10,000 views 


    Boat Name : 

  • Lake_BumLake_Bum Member Posts: 976 ✭✭✭✭
    A friend of ours just called and asked if we would loan her $300.00 to help her pay her rent. Those who know us, know that we are always willing to help out friends and family. We told her to give us some time to think about it, and we would call her back. Before we called her back, my sister called and told us that our friend was lying and not to give her the money. She goes on to say that the real reason our friend wanted the $300.00 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she could be under the same roof as him for his birthday 🎂. We thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the $300.00 because we all need help at times. So, we called our friend and told her to come and get the money. A couple of hours later, we get a call from the Seminole County jail. It was our friend crying, screaming and asking why we gave her counterfeit money. Our response...so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday! —
    2000 Captiva 232 
  • rasburyrasbury Member Posts: 8,406 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Seminole county ?
  • Lake_BumLake_Bum Member Posts: 976 ✭✭✭✭
    rasbury said:
    Seminole county ?
    Not me, but apparently whoever wrote the joke is haha. 
    2000 Captiva 232 
  • rasburyrasbury Member Posts: 8,406 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Good the admirals don't read this forum, I'd hate to see those comments!
  • PickleRickPickleRick Member Posts: 4,014 ✭✭✭✭✭
    rasbury said:
    Good the admirals don't read this forum, I'd hate to see those comments!
    Teaching women to read would be dangerous!
  • PickleRickPickleRick Member Posts: 4,014 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I hope these are not reposts






    The last one is dedicated to the dude himself as it reminded me of his stories.
  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
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