Joke of the Day

Aqua_Aura

https://youtu.be/YYwucNNP9xo

Handymans342

LOL

Aqua_Aura

He seemed to be enjoying his donut. 

aero3113

LoL!

Willhound

That is too funny!
Reminds me of the old story of "Who's the most popular guy at the Nudist Colony"?
The guy that can carry two cups of coffee AND a dozen donuts.
The most popular girl?
The one that can eat the last donut......

MarkB

LOL that video is hilarious!!!

Aqua_Aura

It doesn't matter how many times I see it. As soon as he holds that donut up I lose it 😆

aero3113

Aqua_Aura said:

It doesn't matter how many times I see it. As soon as he holds that donut up I lose it 😆

Same here, LoL!

MarkB

Aqua_Aura said:

It doesn't matter how many times I see it. As soon as he holds that donut up I lose it 😆

I think I've watched it at least 10 times, and am still distributing that video to friends, lol.

Crack head woman! Hahahahaha.

Ian

Ian

I heard a doctor on TV say that to get through the boredom of self isolation we should finish things we have started and this will provide more calm in our lives. 

So, I looked through the house to find all the things Ive started, but haven’t finished.  

So I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of Wum, the mainder of valiumun scrip shuns and a box of chiclets. Yu haf no idr how pluddy fablus I feel right nooooow! 

Sned this to all who need inner pi$$ and tell um u luv em.😊😊

aero3113

Good ones @icoultha !!

Willhound

randy56

Willhound

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canadians, during a recent appearance at Caesars in Windsor :

If someone in a Home Depot store 

Offers you assistance and they don't work there, 

You may live in Canada . 

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,

You may live in Canada .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation 

With someone who dialed a wrong number, 

You may live in Canada . 

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere 

South of Kelowna for the weekend, 

You may live in Canada . 

If you measure distance in hours, 

You may live in Canada . 

If you know several people 

Who have hit a deer more than once, 

You may live in Canada . 

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' 

In the same day and back again, 

You may live in Canada .

If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow 

During a raging blizzard without flinching, 

You may live in Canada . 

If you install security lights on your house and garage, 

But leave both unlocked, 

You may live in Canada .

If you carry jumper cables in your car 

And your wife knows how to use them, 

You may live in Canada .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume 

To fit over a snowsuit, 

You may live in Canada . 

If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km -- 

You're going 95 and everybody is passing you, 

You may live in Canada . 

If driving is better in the winter 

Because the potholes are filled with snow, 

You may live in Canada . 

If you know all 4 seasons: 

Almost winter, winter, still winter, 

and road construction, 

You may live in Canada . 

If you have more miles 

On your snow blower than your car, 

You may live in Canada . 

If you find -2 degrees 'a little chilly', 

You may live in Canada . 

If you actually understand these jokes, 

and forward them to all 

your friends,

you definitely are Canadian and proud to be.

RiverRat232

randy56 said:

In a couple years we will be seeing commercials for sleazy lawyers offering to sue the makers of Lysol for some illness.

rasbury

I did not live in Canada but did live in ND 15 miles from the border...pretty friggin cold...

boatman37

My son was in Watford City, ND for 6 months. He spent alot of time in Williston too. He left there mid December towing his camper (he lived in the camper for 6 months there) and it was -10F when he left there

Ian

RiverRat232

Christmas boat parades and beauty pageant in Florida 2020 after the quarantine.

PickleRick

Some of those women are going to be getting 1200 dollar stimulus checks every month for the next 18 years.  

GMSLITHO

After several days without sports, I found a lady sitting on my couch. I guess she must be my wife. She seems nice.

rasbury

Williston I seem to remember playing basketball against them. Boy the sports were huge up there...couldn't even find a cow to tip in them parts- nothing to do at all! I'm talking 45 years ago though...

Willhound

randy56

Willhound

Black_Diamond

John Mayer boat tune:

https://youtu.be/kwzTfolQu4U

Willhound

Kind of long, about ten jokes all together. Could split them but I'm lazy.

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_____________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his

drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he

hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,

making beer.. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing

scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into

the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again

I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the

grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

_____________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the

boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential 

downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather

would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;

now with a different anticipation,

and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply

for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me 

for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets 

and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that 

I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped

your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you

to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's **** near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.

________________________________

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot

as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.

PickleRick

Female friends advice: follow your dreams and you'll always find happiness

Male friend advice: the government doesn't want you to know this but the ducks at the park are free, you can take them home.

Willhound