Joke of the Day

MarkB

Executive Board of a company thinks the staff have become too complacent, and seek to find a CEO that can shift the culture to one of vigor! They hire a battle axe!  On his first day the CEO decides to walk around and find the first "loser" he can find, to make an example. He sees a guy in a meeting room attended by several people, and he's standing up slouched against a wall with jogging pants on!!! In an office?!?!  He walks in and asks him how much he makes each week ... the guy responds nervously .... "I don't know ... around $400?"

The CEO briskly walks back to accounting and demands, "Give me $1600 cash, now!" He returns to the guy and says, "Here is 4 weeks pay, now get out of here!"  He then turns to the rest of the people in the room and says, "I'll have you know, I don't care who you are in this company, you either jack up your game, or you're out!"  He then asks, "What did that guy do for us anyhow?"

One person softly responds ... "Pizza delivery guy ... Dominos".

Ian

RiverRat232 said:

I went to the doctor's office a few days ago and when the doctor came into the room he said "Sir, you must stop masturbating." I asked "Why?" He replied "Because I am trying to talk to you."

Hehe. Good one. 

aero3113

Handymans342

aero3113 said:

Or backing up an RV LOL

randy56

or boat or empty trailer.

PickleRick

PickleRick

Dream_Inn

PickleRick said:

Really it was just Handy missing his boat!

aero3113

Dream_Inn said:

Really it was just Handy missing his boat!

LoL!!

Handymans342

Hahaha not

PickleRick

rasbury

some of really have way to much spare time on our hands don't we?

PickleRick

randy56

Just a few quickies 

Did you hear about the guy who lost the entire left side of his body? Don’t worry, he's all right

You can tell an ant's gender by placing it in water. If it sinks it's a girl ant. If it floats it's boyant

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

Lost my job at the bank. ON the very first day a woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.

Ian

We need a new thread called “Dad jokes” 

GMSLITHO

Lost my job at the bank. ON the very first day a woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.

That’s great 

RiverRat232

A man walks into a bar and notices the bartender has a 1 foot tall man playing a tiny piano on the bar. "Where did you get that?" the man asks. "There's a genie in the back room granting wishes" the bartender replies. A few minutes later, the man comes back covered in feathers. "That genie is deaf. I asked for a million bucks and I got a million ducks!" the man says. The bartender replies " I know. How do you think I got a 12 inch pianist"

dalek

dalek

LaRea

Ian

CEO says to another “any compliance issues with the no handshaking rule?”
”Not since we ran out of toilet paper..”

dalek

randy56

Willhound

randy56 said:

Oh man. My Grandfather who was very adaptable, and thrifty, actually used to do this. He had it figured that it was lower cost because it did a "better job" And therefore used less....

aero3113

All US Citizens are Entitled to $700 USD per week to stay at home to avoid the spread of COVID-19 novel Coronavirus, starting from March 16, 2020. The Government grant pay is accessible to all no matter employment status. Read full article here on how to claim:

https://external-preview.redd.it/vxPXEGgL4v8mCGw06IFGsmJNtqWQg-z60xQQ79dHKPY.jpg?auto=webp&s=db7685262e9b352a4888e547f52a244e2ea2cb9f ...

aero3113

I was going to post it on the “Virus” thread but felt it was better here, LoL!

LaRea

Well dammit, that link actually was funny.  And harmless.  

randy56

Handymans342

Good one

Ian