Joke of the Day

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  • reneechris14reneechris14 Member Posts: 3,134 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Laughed so hard I'm crying in my coffee.
    2005 Rinker FV342  Pawcatuck river,Ct
  • IanIan Member Posts: 2,774 ✭✭✭✭
    edited February 2019
    randy56 said:
    I was sitting in my truck at Walmart... 

    watching this guy who apparently forgot where he parked. He kept putting his remote in the air and every time he squeezed it...
    I honked my horn.
    Cruel ba$****  :D
    Post edited by raybo3 on

    Regards,

    Ian

    The Third “B”

    Secretary, Ravena Coeymans Yacht Club

    https://www.rcyachtclub.com/

  • raybo3raybo3 Administrator Posts: 5,455 admin
    Image may contain 4 people people smiling people standing and text
    2002 342 Fiesta Vee PC Point Of Pines YC Revere MA. popyc.org     raybo3@live.com
  • IanIan Member Posts: 2,774 ✭✭✭✭
    If only.....but much much smaller.

    Regards,

    Ian

    The Third “B”

    Secretary, Ravena Coeymans Yacht Club

    https://www.rcyachtclub.com/

  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Lobster tail beer and boats are four of my.... 

    favorite things! 

    Boat Name : 

  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭

    fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months." Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over ..women like that are hard to find."

    Boat Name : 

  • rasburyrasbury Member Posts: 8,218 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Got that right bubba...
  • IanIan Member Posts: 2,774 ✭✭✭✭
    That was a good one. :smiley:

    Regards,

    Ian

    The Third “B”

    Secretary, Ravena Coeymans Yacht Club

    https://www.rcyachtclub.com/

  • GMSLITHOGMSLITHO Member Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭✭
    One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. 

    "Father Donovan," the boy asked, "what is this? 

    "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service," the priest explained. They stood together quietly, staring at the memorial plaque. 

    Little Davey softly asked, "Which service? The 9:00 or the 10:30?"
     
  • GMSLITHOGMSLITHO Member Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭✭
    edited February 2019
    A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

    About 90 students raise their hands.

    "Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

    About 40 students raise their hands.

    "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

    About 15 students raise their hand.

    "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

    Three students raise their hands.

    "That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

    Way in the back, Hamid raises his hand.

    The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

    The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Hamad, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

    Hamad replied, "$hit, from way back there I thought you said Goats."
    Post edited by raybo3 on
  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • IanIan Member Posts: 2,774 ✭✭✭✭
     :D  :D:D:D

    Regards,

    Ian

    The Third “B”

    Secretary, Ravena Coeymans Yacht Club

    https://www.rcyachtclub.com/

  • LaReaLaRea Member Posts: 7,505 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Hey, as long as it's okay with the moderator ...
  • rasburyrasbury Member Posts: 8,218 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • raybo3raybo3 Administrator Posts: 5,455 admin
    No photo description available
    2002 342 Fiesta Vee PC Point Of Pines YC Revere MA. popyc.org     raybo3@live.com
  • rasburyrasbury Member Posts: 8,218 ✭✭✭✭✭
    that might be all of us way to soon!
  • raybo3raybo3 Administrator Posts: 5,455 admin
    Lol
    2002 342 Fiesta Vee PC Point Of Pines YC Revere MA. popyc.org     raybo3@live.com
  • Lake_BumLake_Bum Member Posts: 918 ✭✭✭✭

    2000 Captiva 232 
  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
    All-way's got to watch out for the right hook
    Boat Name : 

  • randy56randy56 Member Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Morning fun! True story.                                                   4/1/2019

    So my wife is a school teacher, fairly organized. Leaves the house about 6:45. Just before she was to leave. I said to her: hey baby, I need you to add something to the grocery list next time you make a run to the store. Being in a hurry to get in the car and go. She stopped got her grocery app. on her phone out. 

    Her: what do you need?
    Me: left handed toilet paper
    Her : What?
    Me: It works better than Right handed
    Her: Hugh?
    Me :It's on sale right now 
    Her: Ahh how can it be better?
    Me : April FOOLS
    Boat Name : 

  • Lake_BumLake_Bum Member Posts: 918 ✭✭✭✭
    Senior Sex -- 

    The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

    Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

    OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

    "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

    A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having
    sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

    The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

    The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

    After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

    So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

    Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

    "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."


    2000 Captiva 232 
  • IanIan Member Posts: 2,774 ✭✭✭✭
     :D  :D I nearly fell off the elliptic at the gym with that one. One of the best. 

    Regards,

    Ian

    The Third “B”

    Secretary, Ravena Coeymans Yacht Club

    https://www.rcyachtclub.com/

  • WillhoundWillhound Member Posts: 4,183 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Similar story. An older couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and over breakfast the wife says "Remember when we were on our honeymoon and we had breakfast in the nude? And how much fun we had after breakfast?
    "Sure", he says.
    Well, she says, for old times sake, why don't we do that now?
    So off come the clothes and they resume breakfast.
    Ohh, she says, just sitting here like this is making my breasts feel all tingly and warm!!

    They should be he says.....they're in your oatmeal!
    "Knot Quite Shore" - 2000 FV270
  • Handymans342Handymans342 Member Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭✭
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